Number Six

The Haunting of the Ghost Tech.

This is quite the read so use the bathroom and grab the beverage of your choice while you're up. The story will be here for awhile.

The Ghost Tech as many of the veteran nurses know are often the source of frustration on their part because they cannot find that tech to give them a hand. If the nurses are frustrated with ghost tech then well his/her fellow techs are just below openly knee capping ghost tech in front of the entire medical staff because the ghost techs “vanishings” aka hiding causes more work for the techs who stay at home.  The nurses and docs can find the stay at home tech and like the reliability of the stay at home tech. So the tech that sticks around tends to get more work thrown on them because Ghost tech never manifests themselves long enough to do trivial much needed tasks like helping out with a code, helping a patient to the bath room or *gasp* getting discharge vitals.

The ghost tech I am talking about are actually two separate people from two separate hospitals but both had very similar personalities, one could call it spooky how similar they were.  Both as I observed got their come uppance eventually. Both wanted to go on and be docs, seriously.  I have no idea if either did though.

Ghost tech 1 aka GT1 I had the displeasure of knowing first knew first. He actually had the nerve to use me as a reference to come up from the central sterilization, yeah I knew him in passing but I NEVER said he could use me as a reference to move up from there, trust me he knew right off that was a wrong move on his part.  Meh, not that it mattered. Somewhere along the way GT1 got his EMT but never worked the ambulance, so he had no skills at all. We had to teach him everything.  This tried all the techs patience but also drove the nurses and docs nuts. Since GT1 wanted to be a doc, he was up the docs asses ALL the time some docs loved that shit like Dr. Cause the majority after awhile grew tired of it. In one case Dr. Mke at this particular hospital told him “GT1 remove yourself from our office and please get out of my ass!” GT1 wanted to be an ER doc or Cardiologist he just was not sure. GT1 was taking a break from school but was a former ECHL hockey player which at first was neat then we quickly saw why he was cut. No work ethic.

Ghost tech 2 aka GT2 was a similar case no ambulance experience. By the time I made it to that suburban level whatever ER he was trained up and had an “entire year” of experience in that ER. He was actively going to school at a second tier college and playing football for them as a walk on. Another words he was a walking tackling dummy for the practice squad. He also bragged that he tried out for the local arena FB team.  GT2 clearly knew what kind of practice he wanted as a doc and he had the build for it, orthopedics.  GT2 would mysteriously materialize whenever there was an orthopod in the department and a reduction to be done. I had it down to a science with him. The orthopod would show up, while you were gathering supplies for a cast or splint or even a simple sling, GT2 would slither into the room without you knowing. Then he would say “I got this” and with no mercy or pride crawl up said orthopods ass, it was embarrassing. I gave him enough rope to hang himself and eventually a very tired orthopod got sick of his shenanigans and ignorance then threw him out of the room along with his shitty three way splint.  But need him to take up a patient for you or help out with a rough code brown, he’d “ghost” on ya. GT2 also had a side kick aka lap dog known as Shadow tech who will get discussed at a later time, needless to say where ever GT2 was shadow tech was never far behind. They never worked the same assignments but somehow always ended up together, you could say they had a bromance that bordered on dating. It was felt by several people that they were dating, not that there is anything wrong with that. Both vehemently denied any romantic inclinations on their part.

At both hospitals the staff was well aware of these respective Ghost techs ummm ‘quirks’. Hardly a word was said by nursing staff or techs at either hospital to management. Because of a few reasons one of their let’s say “attributes” as athletic somewhat attractive males they got away with it for a period of time, female nurses like eye candy too! Another was in GT2’s case the department was so dysfunctional no one was really in charge for well over 18 months. In GT1’s case it was felt that the charge nurses would get him eventually. Both got what they deserved in the end.

GT1’s down fall began when he decided to replace nurse GK’s liter bottle of ice water with iced saline solution. Nurse GK is a fantastic guy and a hullva nurse, a total professional. By quietly doing his job Nurse GK garnered respect from the entire staff of the ED. Nurse GK did not say much but when he did folks listened.  Nurse GK had a busy night and was juggling two pretty sick patients. He hardly had time to breathe much less drink water. When he did it was ALL normal saline and he spit it out. Nurse GK did not appreciate this and when GT1 was laughing in his face, nurse GK got that twitchy eye look. Nurse GK began to pull strings but that was the long fuse.  Nurse GK at the time was a relief charge nurse on occasion.

Another long fuse was fitness model/paramedic/fire fighter/goddess nurse. FMPFFG nurse is the and now pardon the pun ‘model’ of the nurse any hospital wants. I’ll get into detail about her another time. She has a work ethic that would make you stand up and cheer, smarts that rivaled many of our docs and looks that would make many a fire fighter and male patient swoon. She carried it off well too. FMPFFG nurse worked with GT1 many times and TRIED with him. Finally she had enough and asked him openly one day “You came from money right?” To which GT1 replied “Yes!” obviously thinking he was getting in good with this angel sent from heaven. “Well..” FMPFFG nurse said giving him the finger “…that explains your work ethic.”  From then on there was no bigger fan (and still am) of FMPFFG nurse than the old crusty ER tech. FMPFFG nurse was a relief charge for a while then got her stripes as a charge nurse. She is one of the few nurses I call “super charge/charged” she was/is that damn good.

The short fuse was Dr. Mke.  Dr. Mke had no love lost for GT1, and when presented with a chance to hammer him into the ground he did so in a convincing manner then stepped on him hard to be sure. GT1 decided to start an IV on a sick transport tech one day. Now I will say I have started IV’s on co-workers before for hangovers and the flu. Just normal saline in nothing bigger than a 20G with a normal drip set. GT1 went WAY beyond that. He grabbed D5 half normal saline a 16G IV needle and a ‘Y’ IV set with a blood pump then put this transport tech in a room that was not being used and loaded her up. He infused that D5 ½ NS in under 10 minutes. The outcome sent this willowy transport tech to the step down ICU for a few days because she got chest pain and a PE from the episode. EVERYONE heard about this and unfortunately for GT1 Dr. Mke was there that day.

Dr. Mke from went ballistic and rightly so. GT1 was shit canned right then and there. Word was that Dr. Mke was also going after GT1’s EMT cert for this gross negligence and stepping WAY over protocols and his scope of practice. I would not be surprised if Dr. Mke did because he’s a real pit bull. I think if Dr. Mke coulda done so he would have physically thrown GT1 out of the ER himself. Dr. Mke was a former orderly in the old…old days. Ya know when Johnny and Roy were running calls.

GT2’s demise was much less dramatic. At suburban level whatever hospital he got away with long lunches being, hours late to work leaving the hospital’s campus etc. But remember this was during the reign of Gerald everything was fucked up. Up was down, black was white, frogs rained from the ceiling there from time to time.  When we got an actual ER manager and her minion Nurse Blabber mouth, GT2 was not safe for long. Actual ER manager tightened things up and got rid of dead weight another words she cut costs. One of the dead weights was GT2. He got warned when she looked at the clocking system records of the past several months and was told all is forgiven but we’re watching you.

If you guessed he got shit canned because of tardiness then you guessed correctly.

One day he was there and got called into the nursing office. The next thing we know the charge nurse is dividing up the techs assignments because we are “minus one” that night and GT2’s name is off the schedule.  Shadow tech was lost after that.

As you can see in these cases these Ghost techs made their beds and were forced to lie in them. These are just two extreme examples of Ghost techs I use them because they were SO similar in many ways.  I have experienced other degrees of Ghost ER tech. They disappear and manifest at the charge nurses elbow for lunches and breaks then fade into a fine mist until end of shift to clock out or when food appears. It’s maddening and frustrating and makes the entire team work harder. I say tolerate these shit heads but watch them though. As you have seen here they get theirs eventually.

So ends the Haunting of the Ghost Tech.