Thirty Seven

Birth is disgusting

Now I have not posted in a bit because frankly I have had other things to do. As promised Crusty ER Tech has been chasing skirts and drinking cold microbrews. That explains the lack of posts lately.

One thing I have had trouble with in the past is birth. I know some females bristle at the fact that I say that birth is disgusting, it is hands down the smells and texture and although a vagina is made to strech that way does not mean that I take pleasure in seeing it warped to produce another human being for that matter. Yeah yeah I get it it's an entrance and an exit and those of you out there who say birth is a miracle and beautiful, I won't attempt to take that away from you for me birth is disgusting.

Crusty ER tech avoids birth as much as possible.

I have had to help deliver my fair share of babies in the past which has made me nauseous and weak in the knees. I can deal with any number of heinous things the human body does from maggot infested feet (yes feet) to oozing pustules. Birth for the longest time has been my kryptonite.

With that said it has been years since I have had to deal with birth directly for one reason or another. Well my luck finally ran out in spades here recently. I was sitting in triage with the triage nurse and in RUNS a mid 20's white female who proceeds to grab a locked stretcher and does a rather funny dance (very similar to the "oh fuck" dance we all do in the ER when we KNOW something bad is happening).

The dance was on the tippy toes and she was screaming "I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU ARE SITTING AROUND SHE'S HAVING A BABY!!!"

This being the first time we have heard a baby was being born in the last few minutes we jumped up and asked the next logical question

"Where?!"

Without another word the hysterical woman dances the "Oh fuck" dance some more then sprints outside to the car port drop off. We run after her with me grabbing the stretcher to hopefully put the preggers female onto it and rush her inside before things get too gooey. No such luck.

By the time we get the door open the woman says she's having the baby in her pants. Thankfully one of the registration folks ran and got a doc who appeared out of nowhere. We threw up a sheet and he delivered the baby right there in the turn out.

It was FAST! Fastest delivery I ever saw or heard of. I got my reason why later. This was this woman's 8th (yes eighth!) baby.  Mom and baby made their way up to the labor deck eventually. On a side note I did not get nauseous then or later and am happy to report that seeing a vagina stretched that way did not revulse me enough to stay away from women altogether for the next month like in the past. I did have a solid 3 fingers of whiskey neat that night once I got back to the Crusty Lair.

I guess my birthing jitters are gone finally: